The Myth Of Being “Too Much”

They say you are “too much,” but what they really mean is that you refuse to be less.

If you are a Black woman, you may already be familiar with this story. You walk into a room prepared and capable, and despite the wealth of knowledge you bring, your very existence is dissected. Your tone is questioned, but so is everything else: your walk, your speech, your hair, and the way you dress. How you present yourself in professional settings becomes subject to critique. These actions serve as a distraction, pulling you away from your experience, your expertise, and the impact you are positioned to make. Instead of leading fully, you are asked to self-monitor in real time. That constant surveillance is not accidental. It has a history.

     A History 

In 1851, Sojourner Truth spoke to a room of women and men in Akron, Ohio, and asked a simple but profound question: “Ain’t I a Woman?” Those four words exposed the contradiction of a society that denied Black women both femininity and humanity. Truth’s speech pointed to the erasure of Black womanhood, hypervisible as laborers in place of leaders, and still invisible as women. That contradiction still echoes in leadership today. You are present, capable, and qualified, yet constantly required to prove that you belong.

Bell hooks wrote about how the devaluation of Black women became part of the culture itself. She showed how sexism and racism work together to police our bodies and voices, turning confidence into “aggression” and passion into “danger.” Tone policing is the same system that has always tried to make you quieter, smaller, and less visible. Her analysis matters because it reveals that these patterns are not isolated misunderstandings, but deliberate structures that shape the perception of Black women. The labeling of your confidence as aggression is an act of discipline, a reminder that visibility comes at a cost.

     In other words, you are not “crazy”. 

The continued practice brings this history into today’s boardrooms, schools, and offices. Black women leaders are more likely than their peers to have their appearance, demeanor, and communication style scrutinized (Catalyst research, 2020). This is not about skill or competence. It is the inheritance of a system that has long disciplined Black women for daring to show up fully. The same contradictions that Sojourner Truth named in 1851 and that bell hooks unpacked in the 1980s remain in place. We are still forced to navigate environments where our humanity is under question and our leadership is second-guessed before it is even exercised.

This critique is a distraction. It shifts focus away from leadership, experience, and the capacity for change, as distractions do. Instead of pouring our whole selves into the work, Black women are pushed to edit ourselves moment by moment.

Is this outfit too bold? 

     Should I wear my hair straight to look more professional?

          Did my voice sound too sharp? Should I soften my walk when I enter the room? 

These are not questions rooted in leadership, but rather, control and limitation of power, second-guessing what is already enough. 

Navigating Leadership Without Shrinking

So, how do we lead under constant surveillance? One way is to name the bias when it shows up and refuse to let it devalue the work that you are doing. Another is to anchor ourselves in community. Black women have always found strength in collective unity, discovering wholeness in safe spaces that affirm what institutions often overlook. As I mentioned in Upward and Onward, build community over competition. Validate the authenticity of your circles of support within that community. Surround yourself with people who speak life into you and support your personal growth and development. 

It is equally important to refuse internalization. Your leadership, your confidence, and your presence are not problems to solve. They are proof of your power. Continue to ground yourself in self-affirmation and community care, protect your energy, and reclaim your focus.

     We are necessary. 

Black women in leadership are not accidents. Our voices, our walk, our hair, and our presence all matter. Imagine leadership that does not demand the mute or edited version of ourselves but instead values our authenticity. Imagine schools, companies, and communities where Black women are free to lead without distraction, showing up fully as ourselves.

The myth of being “too much” has always been about control. The reality is that you are not too much. You are not too loud. You are not too bold. You are not too confident. You are not too visible. You are exactly who you need to be.

When you stop shrinking, when you stop letting critique distract you from yourself, you do not just lead.

     You transform.

So the next time someone tells you that you are “too much,” remember this truth: you are not too much. You are everything this world is afraid of and everything it desperately needs.

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References

Catalyst. (2020). Being Black in Corporate America: An Intersectional Exploration. Catalyst.

Hooks, B. (1981). Ain’t I a Woman: Black Women and Feminism. South End Press.

Truth, S. (1851). Ain’t I a Woman? Speech, Women’s Convention, Akron, Ohio.