The Practice of Becoming
A Letter to My Sisters in Leadership
There is a beauty in who we are becoming. Each day offers another chance to grow into ourselves with more grace, more courage, and more understanding. Black women have always made a way, turning challenges into opportunities and getting things done even with limited support or resources. Our leadership is not something we perform; it is something we live. It is how we move through the world, with purpose, power, and poise.
We come from women who made something with what they had. They were visionaries before anyone used that word. Their strength was not in being perfect; it was in their ability to keep going.
They knew that actual progress takes time, patience, and faith.
That same spirit still lives within us as we lead today. Though we often feel the pull to have it all together. We want our words to land perfectly, our actions without flaw, and our leadership to feel effortless. The truth, however, is that leadership is never about knowing everything. It is about remaining open to learning, listening, and growing, even when the way forward is unclear. Toni Morrison said, “If you have some power, then your job is to empower somebody else.” Her words reflect the heart of our work. Leadership is not about holding power tightly; it is about using it to lift others. It is the act of creating space for another woman’s voice to rise, for her ideas to be heard, for her light to shine. We were meant to lead together and build communities where growth and grace meet.
bell hooks reminds us that “the practice of love is the most powerful antidote to the politics of domination.” Her words speak not only to how we treat others but to how we treat ourselves. Love is not softness without substance; it is strength without cruelty.
To lead with love is to make peace with imperfection.
To give yourself room to breathe, and to honor your own becoming. Perfectionism has long been taught to Black women as a way to survive. We have been taught to be twice as good to be seen as an equal. We have learned to over-prepare, over-perform, and protect ourselves from misunderstanding.
In a 2025 study published in the Journal of Black Psychology, Leath found that perfectionism among Black women often stems from the pressures of "racialized expectations" and the fear of being perceived as "angry, incompetent, or undeserving". How often do we find ourselves questioning our ability, our knowledge, and our value? Over time, perfectionism can silence our creativity and limit our joy (Leath et al., 2025).
Being the “Strong Black Woman” is meant to celebrate strength, but it often demands that we hide vulnerability. Women who internalize this sometimes alter their voices, emotions, and behavior to adapt to professional spaces that were not designed for them (Hall et al., 2025). The constant adjustment can make us forget what ease feels like. Strength is powerful, but it should never come at the expense of our wholeness.
To my sisters in leadership, I want to remind you that your softness is not weakness. Your questions are not a sign of a lack of confidence; they are signs of self-awareness and care. Your pauses do not show hesitation; they show thoughtfulness. Authentic leadership comes from integrity, not performance. It lives in how we show up for others and how we make room for ourselves.
Leading with purpose, power, and poise:
See the bigger picture. A bad day does not erase your progress. Step back. Breathe. Give yourself the same grace you give to others.
Speak gently to yourself.
Be selective with outside voices. Not every opinion deserves a home in your head. Protect your energy and your peace.
Rest when your body asks for stillness.
Surround yourself with women who see you clearly and remind you of who you are.
Celebrate the small victories, even when no one else is watching. Each act of persistence is progress.
You already carry what you need.
Every time you show up, even when you feel unsure, you are leading. Every time you give grace to another woman, you are teaching. Every time you make space for your own rest, you are healing. Leadership is not about perfection; it is about practice. It is about showing up honestly, with love and faith, again and again. James Baldwin wrote that “nothing can be changed until it is faced.” When we face our own expectations and let go of the need to be flawless, we make space for transformation. That space becomes freedom. It becomes the room where we fully grow into ourselves, where we lead from truth rather than pressure.
You are not behind. You are not unfinished. You are becoming. The world is already better because you exist within it. Keep leading with heart. Keep learning with grace. Keep loving yourself through the process. The world is ready for your light.
Lead through practice, not perfection.
Love,
Alexa
References
Baldwin, J. (1985). The Price of the Ticket: Collected Nonfiction, 1948–1985. St. Martin’s/Marek.
Hall, N. M., et al. (2025). The Strong Black Woman Stereotype and Identity Shifting Among Black Women in Academic and Professional Spaces. Frontiers in Psychology.
hooks, bell. Feminism Is for Everybody: Passionate Politics. Routledge, 2014.
Leath, S., Latimer, A., Inniss-Thompson, M. N., Seward, M. D., & Ball, P. (2025). Stereotype Management, (Mal)Adaptive Perfectionism and Well-Being Among Black College Women Attending Predominantly White Institutions.Journal of Black Psychology.
Morrison, T. (2003). Conversations with Toni Morrison. University Press of Mississippi.
